33 CE — Jesus returns from dead

And on the the third day, He rose again.

Jesus, called the Christ, died upon the Cross, and on the third day (if you count the day he died – it’s actually closer to about half that, sunset Friday to sunrise Sunday) rose again. And not being in a patient mood, rolled aside the stone closing his tomb from the inside (no easy task, but a minor miracle compared to the whole resurrection thing) and set about doing the Lord’s work.

40 days later, he ascended bodily into Heaven, and this time, he stayed there, barring the occasional cameo on a bit of toast.

Referenced in:

Vow — Garbage
John the Revelator — Son House
Tomorrow, Wendy — Andy Prieboy
The Post-War Dream — Pink Floyd
Tomorrow, Wendy — Concrete Blonde
Jesus Walking On The Water — Violent Femmes

33 CE — Jesus dies upon the Cross

It is the central event of Christianity: Jesus Christ surrendered to the Romans, was briefly tried by Pontius Pilate, and sent to be crucified. Once up on the cross, he died in an unusually short time (crucifixion is a slow and painful death). In his last words, he called on his heavenly father, saying “Eli Eli lama sabachthani?” (in English “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”). (At least, he did according to the Gospels of Mark and Matthew – John and Luke each tell different stories.)

When the Romans came by to break the legs of the crucified (a measure that hastens death), they discovered that Jesus was already dead. He was taken down and buried, rising from the dead on the third day (somewhat undermining the “last words” thing, but he’s the Son of God. Different rules apply.)

Today, these events are commemorated by the eating of chocolate (not introduced to Europe, Asia and Africa until 14 centuries later) delivered by a rabbit (because… I have no idea why).

Referenced in:

Ah Yeah — Krs-One
Imperial Rome — Aska
For Love — Andy Prieboy
Done Too Soon — Neil Diamond
Tomorrow, Wendy — Andy Prieboy
The Post-War Dream — Pink Floyd
Tomorrow, Wendy — Concrete Blonde
The Mercy Seat — Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Jesus Walking On The Water — Violent Femmes