There are those who think that Rowville is named after it the long-abandoned plan to build an artificial lake there, on which would then be staged the rowing events of the 1956 Olympics there. (In the event, these were held on Lake Wendouree, which is pushing the definition of Melbourne – but that’s another story.) This idea did eventually see some sort of life (in the form of Lysterfield reservoir), but by that time, another reason had arisen for the area’s name.

If most people were asked what the most unfortunate place name in Melbourne is, they’d probably pick Donnybrook. After all, that’s a whole area named for the violence that once characterised it. But they’d be wrong. Donnybrook these days is tame. But the similarly-inspired name of Rowville, not so much.

But named for the constant arguments that afflict its residents, Rowville is the suburb you should be thinking of. Mostly, of course, you should be thinking of avoiding it. Living there only leads to constant stress about money, arguing with one’s spouse (or common law spouse), petty crime, alcoholism and less legal drug use, charges of assault and, of course, featuring in TISM songs. It’s not a place you win up because you have any choice in the matter, or at least, not any better choices.

Rowville – the village of rowing – has become the suburb of yelling at your family.

Suburbs near Rowville: