(Presented with apologies to people named Jones, people named Tomlinson and some people named Palin.)

GOVERNOR:

I’m Republican, and I’m okay.
I hate to think ‘cos I’d rather pray.

McCAIN STAFFERS:

She’s Republican, and she’s okay.
She hates to think ‘cos she’d rather pray.

GOVERNOR:

I cut down tax. I fund pipelines.
I go on safari.
I shoot at wolves from choppers
And have buttered scones for tea.

McCAIN STAFFERS:

She cuts down tax.  She funds pipelines.
She goes on “safari”.
She shoots at wolves from choppers
And has buttered scones for tea.

CHORUS:

She’s Republican, and she’s okay.
She hates to think ‘cos she’d rather pray.

GOVERNOR:

I cut bridge cash, and climate change
I think is just hot air.
I put out for big oil,
And kill the polar bear.

McCAIN STAFFERS:

She cuts bridge cash, and climate change
She thinks is just hot air.
She puts out for big oil,
And kills the polar bear?!?!(McCain staffers leave stage)

GOVERNOR:, reluctantly joined by McCAIN STAFFERS in CHORUS:

She’s Republican, and she’s okay.
She hates to think ‘cos she’d rather pray.

GOVERNOR:

I cut down trees. I use my power,
To bully those I hate.
I wish I’d known the press,
Would call it Troopergate.

McCAIN STAFFERS:

She cuts down trees. She uses power,
To bully those she hates?!?!?!(McCain staffers leave stage, angrily blaming each other for failing to vet Governor…)

GOVERNOR: (on a now-empty stage):

I’m Republican, and I’m okay.
I hate to think ‘cos I’d rather pray.No, really I do…

Ever since copies of the Analects first begin to be distributed, over 2000 years ago, it has shaped Chinese society, teaching the Confucian virtues to generation after generation. Its influence has also been felt in other parts of Asia, as it slowly diffused into other nations and cultures.

Even today, the Analects remains one of the canonical texts that any serious Chinese scholar (or scholar of China) must read and understand in order to be considered properly educated.

Referenced in:

I Like Chinese – Monty Python

A Frenchman who spent most of his adult life in Holland, Descartes’ major contributions to philosophy were in the field of metaphysics – the mind-body problem. Descartes’ answer to the problem was dualism – that mind and body are separate. In mathematics, the Cartesian coordinate system married algebra and geometry, and created the theoretical basis upon which Leibniz and Newton each independently built calculus.

Referenced in:

Bruces’ Philosophers Song – Monty Python

Oliver Cromwell, at the time little-known, distinguished himself in this battle. He commanded the Ironsides Cavalry, and his leadership and the discipline of his troops were both acknowledged as key factors in the victory. From here, Cromwell’s star would only rise.

Referenced in:
Oliver Cromwell – Monty Python

At Naseby, on June 14, 1645, the decisive battle of the English Civil War was fought. The Parliamentarian forces, under Cromwell, outnumbered the Royalists by almost two to one, and also commanded a stronger position. As the battle drew on, many of the Royalist soldiers surrendered, while other withdrew in disarray. The King, soundly defeated, fled to Scotland.

Referenced in:
Oliver Cromwell – Monty Python

Cromwell had come far and acheived much in his 59 years, but little that he had built long-survived him. His son Richard, who succeeded him as Lord Protector, resigned from that role due to a lack of political support less than a year later, and King Charles II was invited back to England to reinstate the monarchy the year after that.

In 1661, on the anniversary of King Charles I’s execution, Cromwell’s corpse was exhumed, and a symbolic posthumous beheading was carried out. His severed head would be a collector’s item for some years thereafter, before being reburied in 1960.

Referenced in:

Oliver Cromwell – Monty Python

Hegel lived to be 61 years old, and spent most of his adult life studying and writing in a total of eight different German universities. He wrote four books: Phenomenology of Spirit (1807); Science of Logic (published in three volumes: 1811, 1812 & 1816); Encyclopedia of the Philosophical Sciences (1816) and Elements of the Philosophy of Right (1822).

Referenced in:

Bruces’ Philosophers Song – Monty Python

He was a prolific composer with few illusions regarding the magnitude of his talents or the importance of his contributions to the development of music. He died at age 77, shortly after an attack on Vienna by Napoleon’s force. Among his last words was a characteristically humble attempt to calm and reassure his servants when cannon shot fell in the neighborhood: “My children, have no fear, for where Haydn is, no harm can fall.”

Referenced in:

Decomposing Composers — Monty Python

In addition to his composing, von Weber was also a noted for his orchestration, a music journalist, and an engraver. The last of these he actually taught himself – he wanted to be able to engrave his own compositions.

He was 39 years old when he died of tuberculosis while visiting London. Although his remains were buried there, they were later exhumed and reburied in Dresden at the instigation of Richard Wagner. Von Weber had been director of the Opera since 1817.

Referenced in:

Decomposing Composers – Monty Python

Born in Bonn, Germany in the year 1770, he would rise from relatively humble beginnings to become one of the great composers of his (or any other) era. In addition to his nine symphonies, he also wrote a wide variety of sonatas, concertos, string quartets and a single opera. Among his better known compositions are “Fur Elise” and the Triple Concerto.

He died on March 26, 1827 in Vienna, after a lengthy series of illnesses that had left him deaf and bedridden. His funeral was a massive undertaking, and mourners lined the streets of Vienna as his body was taken to the cemetary. He left behind him a vast musical legacy, and remains one of the most played and performed of composers even today.

Referenced in:

Green Onions – The Blues Brothers
Decomposing Composers — Monty Python