Jahavan coffee

One of the most potent varieties of coffee yet invented, Jahavan coffee is genetically engineered to race through your bloodstream in search of alcohol molecules, and beat the crap out of any it finds. A single cup will sober you up from any quantity of booze short of alcohol poisoning (and possibly even then).

This tends to cause a level of sobriety closely resembling knurd, leading to foolish and unhelpful thoughts regarding the things in one’s life that usually don’t bother you, like not liking your job, and having no girlfriend, and the galloping menace of tooth decay, and how much everything costs these days, and that stain on the carpet you never noticed before, and…

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