April 26, 4120 BCE — Bilbo Baggins is recruited by Thorin Oakenshield as a thief

It was a most Unexpected Party. Bilbo had no idea that he was going to be throwing it, for one thing.

But despite all the misunderstandings that Gandalf had apparently deliberately fostered (who says you can’t have a few laughs while you’re saving the world?), in the end, one bemused middle-aged hobbit with no prior experience at anything more challenging than walking down to the pub had agreed to travel halfway round the world with thirteen dwarves he didn’t know to steal things from a dragon. Because why not?

The Lord of the Rings and True Blood

This one isn’t so much a crossover as an examination of the former through the lens of the latter. The two worlds are obviously very distinct, but still, I can’t help wondering: what if the vampires of Middle Earth decided to go public too?
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June 22, 4119 BCE — Bilbo Baggins returns to the Shire after his adventures

More than a year after he had departed, and after numerous adventures, after triumphs and losses, Bilbo Baggins returned to his home of Bag End, in the Shire. His long adventures there and back again are completed; he carries with him the One Ring (albeit not yet recognised as such), and believes that all his troubles lie behind him.

He is mildly discombobulated to discover that he has been declared dead and that certain of his relatives are attempting to claim his possessions. The matter is soon sorted out, although Bilbo’s penchant for adventures, the strange company he keeps (elves, dwarves and even wizards come to visit at times), and, we must suppose, a certain jealousy of his wealth, do little to endear him to most other hobbits.

Ent-Draughts

It’s somewhat unclear whether Ent-Draughts are some form of enchanted juice or some form of enchanted water. Certainly it is loved by Ents, as Treebeard keeps a supply laid in. But what is most attention-grabbing about this liquid the effect that it has on hobbits.

Even a single draught will cause feelings of extreme well-being and act as a restorative to good health and boundless energy.

In the cases of Merry and Pippin, it even caused them to grow a considerable amount, making them two of the tallest hobbits ever. Presumably, it would have analogous effects on humans, although thiis has never been tested – and the only species to drink Ent-Draughts are the Ents themselves. The effect it has on them is unclear, although it is implied to be a mild intoxicant.

Related drugs: Athelas, Miruvóre and Pipe-Weed

Miruvóre

The exact translation of Miruvor or Miruvóre, is not known, but “death-defeater” is a probable etymological meaning. It’s certainly an accurate description.

Appearing in The Fellowship of the Rings, miruvor is a warm and fragrant clear cordial made by and consumed by the Elves. They do not reveal how miruvor was made, but it is thought to come from the honey of the undying flowers in the gardens of Yavanna in Valinor. It’s possible that this drink holds the secret of Elven immortality, although if so, it has no such effect on humans, hobbits or dwarves.

The cordial gives the drinker renewed strength and vitality, and is used by the Elves at their festivals. Some party animals, those Elves, huh?

Related drugs: Athelas, Ent-Draughts and Pipe-Weed.