Splat is a deranging drug disguised as “a brown drink with bubbles”, and sold as a soft drink in the late 1990’s. Its resemblence – especially as concerns its look and taste – to a certain other “brown drink with bubbles” is presumably far from coincidental.

Created by the evil multi-millionaire Rolston Brocade, it was a modern version of a drink from Renaissance Florence, Splatso. Fortunately, Leonardo da Vinci devised an antidode to it, which was recreared by the Glam Metal Detectives. This was then marketed as Splodge, and later substituted for Splat on the production line, driving it off the market.

Even a small dose – not even a full can of soft drink – causes numerous side effects, the most visible of which are crossed eyes and a loss of physical coordination. Psychological effects include delusions of grandeur verging on megalomania, with the accompanying increased loudness, bossyness and arrogance.