“Desperado” by Eagles

Don’t your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won’t snow and the sun won’t shine
It’s hard to tell the night time from the day

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“Drop The Pilot” — Joan Armatrading

Drop the pilot – try my balloon
Drop the monkey – smell my perfume
Drop the mahout – I’m the easy rider

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“Fall of Rome” – James Reyne

Everybody said, “What’s that sound?”
Put it in a skillet and a-slap it all around

It’s actually hard to decide what part of this metaphor is more broken. Aside from the simple grammatical error of the first line (people do not say questions, they ask them), there’s also the second line’s apparent belief that sounds are in fact solid objects. And, considering what skillets are usually used for, possibly edible ones as well.

Believe it or not, the rest of the song may actually be more disturbing, but only for its implication that James Reyne is the evil Queen from Snow White – why else would he implore his mirror not to lie?

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“I Never Loved You Anyway” by The Corrs

No I didn’t love you anyway
Never truly loved you anyway
I’m so happy you’re moving away
Yeah I’m delighted you’re moving away

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“I Still Call Australia Home” by Peter Allan

“I’m always traveling, I love being free,
and so I keep leaving the sun and the sea”

I’ve never really understood the attractions of this song (although I know every word of the Chaser’s parody version). But I guess I’m just unAustralian or unpatriotic or something.

But seriously, does Peter Allan honestly believe that they don’t have the sun or the sea in other countries?  I mean, obviously that man has seen the inside of way too many tanning salons, but does he really think that’s where every non-Aussie’s tan comes from?


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“In The Year 2525″ by Zager and Evans

In the year 7510
If God’s a-comin’ he ought to make it by then
Maybe he’ll look around himself and say
Guess it’s time for the Judgement day

In the year 8510 God is gonna shake his mighty head then He’ll either say I’m pleased where man has been Or tear it down and start again

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“It’s a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock ‘n’ Roll)” by AC/DC

If you think it’s easy doin’ one night stands
Try playin’ in a rock roll band.

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“Kiss On My List” by Hall and Oates

When they want to know
What the reason is
I only smile when I lie
Then I tell them why

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“Laura” by Scissor Sisters

Welcome to the first installment of the Daft Lyrics Database. Today’s lyric is:

“Won’t you just tell Babydaddy: I’m gonna need his love”

Seriously, Jake, tell him yourself – he’s the bearded dude at the piano behind you.

Actually, come to think of it Mr. Shears, he’s your boyfriend, and has been for years. If he hasn’t worked out yet that you need his love, there’s a serious communication breakdown in your relationship.

On the plus side, now that you’ve told the world about this – passive-aggressive much? – he probably does know. I assume you are now getting all the love you need, but if not, well, hey, be the man that you know you are. My email address is at the bottom of the page, cutie ;)


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“Let’s Go Crazy” – Prince

“Tell me, are we gonna let de-elevator bring us down
Oh, no let’s go!

Let’s go crazy
Let’s get nuts
Look 4 the purple banana
‘Til they put us in the truck, let’s go!”

Even for a pop lyricist, the purple one has a style that can best be described as idiosyncratic. The degree to which his metaphors are inscrutably personal is rivalled only by Andrew Eldritch and William Burroughs. And the manner in which he writes his lyrics shows either a terrifying disregard for correct spelling, or an eerie presience of text messaging (or TXT MSG, if you prefer).

That said, it’s hard not to have certain suspicions as to the identity of the purple banana…


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“More Than A Feeling” – Boston

“I looked out this morning and the sun was gone”

More Than a Feeling is actually pretty close to perfect song. But you have to get past that first line…

…and the first line is a terrifyingly broken metaphor. After all, the sun rising in the sky is pretty much the definition of the morning, so it’s hard to see how it could really be morning.

Boston’s faith in the ability of rock ‘n’ roll to restore the sun to the sky is kinda touching, tho’.


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“Neutron Dance” by the Pointer Sisters

There’s no money falling from the sky
‘Cause a man took my heart and robbed me blind
Someone stole my brand new Chevrolet
And the rent is due, I got no place to stay

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