The Centre Cannot Hold » Legendary

9564 BCE – Atlantis sinks

Loki — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 07:23:14 +0000

It’s Atlantis. Everyone knows the basics: an advanced civilisation on a large island or small continent in the Atlantic Ocean, sunk beneath the ocean in a single day.

The Atlantis story originated in two works by Plato, the Critias and the Timaeus. These tell the story of Atlantis – created by the sons of Poseidon, ruled the world as an economic superpower, and finally destroyed by the gods of Olympus for its hubris.

Of course, so far as anyone can tell, Atlantis never truly existed. It was a myth, a parable regarding the dangers of arrogance and pride.

Pity, really.

Referenced in:
Atlantis – Donovan
Atlantis Falling – Iron Savior
Atlantis to Interzone – Klaxons

circa 2600 BCE — Gilgamesh becomes King of Uruk

Loki — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 21:23:18 +0000

Gilgamesh is the title character of one of the oldest known literary works, the Epic of Gilgamesh, which dates from approximately 2150 BCE. The most complete surviving version of the Epic was recorded on twelve clay tablets in the library of Ashurbanipal, a later Mesopotamian king.

Gilgamesh was the fifth king of Uruk, an early Sumerian realm that encompassed what is now Kuwait and southern Iraq. His parentage was partially divine – he was two thirds god and one third man. As a result of this, he was abnormally strong and long-lived – some sources describe him as immortal. He seems to have been based on actual historical figure, and several details in the Epic appear to derive from historical figures who were his contemporaries. However, despite his reality, it is unlikely that he reigned for the 126 years attributed to him by Sumerian historians.

Referenced in:

The Mesopotamians — They Might Be Giants

1246 BCE — The Voyage of the Argo

Loki — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 21:23:32 +0000

Jason was a little-known hero who, in order to win the throne of Iolcus (in Thessaly), recruited a mighty crew and set sail in the Argo in search of the Golden Fleece. They found it only with the assistance of the goddess Hera and the princess Medea, who betrayed her father and eloped with Jason and the Fleece. Jason made it safely home, claimed the throne and married Medea. This did not end well for either of them.

Jason’s crew was a who’s who of Ancient Greek heroes. It included Hercules, Theseus, Castor, Pollux, Laertes (father of Ulysses), Bellerophon, Iolaus, Nestor, Orpheus, Deucalion, Asclepius, Atalanta, Peleus (father of Achilles) and Autolycus. In fact, not counting the heroes of the Trojan War (who were mostly not yet born at this point), the only significant Greek hero not to participate was Oedipus.

Referenced in:

Birdhouse in your Soul — They Might Be Giants

circa 1186 BCE – Odysseus braves the song of the sirens

Loki — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 21:23:08 +0000

Call him Odysseus or Ulysses, there’s never been any denying his cunning or his pride – and this particular incident in his legend displays both to full advantage.

It so happened that Ulysses’ ship was on course to pass by the island of sirens – horrible monsters who used their bewitching song to lure sailors to their deaths (they ate them, and not in the good way). Ulysses decided that he wanted to be the first man to hear their song and live.

This is how he did it: he commanded his men to tie him to the mast, then to stop their ears with wax, and to neither remove the wax nor let him loose until such time as the island was out of sight. His plan worked to perfection, and he remains the only man to have heard the sirens sing and lived to tell the tale.

Referenced in:

Golden Brown – The Stranglers
Tales of Brave Ulysses – Cream

1184 BCE – The Trojan War ends

Loki — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 21:23:49 +0000

At least, according to the calculations of Eratosthenes, it ended on this date.

You know the story: Paris and Helen, Menelaus and Agamemnon, Hector and Achilles, Ulysses and a huge wooden horse. Ten years of war before the walls of Troy, ended finally by gambling on a deception.

In the end, the Greeks swept in, destroying the city and leaving very few survivors. Legend holds that some of them went to Carthage, and then to found Rome; another group of survivors founded London. Being descended from a Trojan was like the first millenium equivalent of being descended from convicts in Australia is today – it was thought cool.

Referenced in:

I Stole A Bride — Hefner
Troy — Sinead O’Connor
And Then There Was Silence — Blind Guardian

1043 – Lady Godiva makes her famous ride

Loki — Mon, 30 May 2011 21:23:07 +0000

While there actually was a real Lady Godiva – although, as a Saxon, her name was more likely Godgifu or Godgyfu (Godiva is a latinised version) – it’s unlikely that she actually did ride naked through the streets of Coventry.

Legend has it that she rode naked to protest the taxes that her husband, Lord Leofric, had laid upon the common people, and that, in respect for her sacrifice, all of them looked away as she rode through a busy market day street (except for a tailor named Thomas – the original Peeping Tom – who was apparently struck blind for daring to look upon her).

In these enlightened days, of course, no one believes a word of it – but Coventry’s tourist industry still owes a great deal to women who are willing to get their kit off and go for a ride. (Indeed, the date I’ve used here is the date of the annual commemoration of the ride in Coventry.)

Referenced in:

Don’t Stop Me Now — Queen
Peeping Tom — Toots & the Maytals
The Ballad of Lady Godiva — King Khan and the Shrines

1178 BCE – Odysseus reclaims the throne of Ithaca

Loki — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 22:00:20 +0000

Tradition holds that this is the day that the Odyssey ended: that Ulysses returned to Ithaca, recruited his son and other allies, and tricked his wife’s suitors before slaughtering them all. Along the way, he was also reunited with, in order, his dog (who died of old age shortly thereafter), his father, his childhood nurse, and finally, his wife, Penelope, the most faithful woman in all of Greek Myth.

Twenty years after his departure for the ringing fields of windy Troy, the very last of the Danaans returned home. The age of myth in Greece, as we know it, ended shortly thereafter, with the final triumph of the wiliest and most determined of all the heroes of Greece.

Referenced in:

Steely Dan — Home At Last

1212 – The Children’s Crusade sets out for the Holy Land

Loki — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 22:00:59 +0000

The Children’s Crusade is the name given to a variety of fictional and factual events which happened in 1212 that combine some or all of these elements: visions by a French or German boy; an intention to peacefully convert Muslims in the Holy Land to Christianity; bands of children marching from various other European nations to Italy; and finally, the children being sold into slavery and failing entirely in their admittedly unlikely and quixotic mission.

It has become a byword for tragedy, waste, naivete and religious stupidity, although of course, since it was never officially sanctioned by Rome, the Catholic Church denies all responsibility for it.

Referenced in:

Children’s Crusade — Sting

1284 – The Pied Piper plays Hamelin

Loki — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 07:45:36 +0000

The legends are very specific: in 1284, when the town of Hamelin, in the in Lower Saxony region of Germany, was overrun with rats. One day, a piper claiming to be a rat-catcher appeared in the town. A deal was soon struck: he would play his pipes and draw the rates away, the townspeople would pay him handsomely.

The piper led the rats into the nearby Weser river, where they drowned. But then the townsfolk reneged on their part of the deal. This was decision-making roughly on a par with saying “oh, what a lovely wooden horse, let’s drag it into the middle of Troy.”

The piper returned on the feast day of Saints John and Paul. He played once more, and this time, he enchanted the children of the town. 130 children followed him, leaving behind only one or two (accounts vary). Accounts also disagree over what happened to the children – some say he drowned them like the rats, some say they were safely returned after he was paid several times his original price. So it’s six to five and pick ‘em whether the Pied Piper was a mass murderer, or merely a staunch advocate of contract law.

Referenced in:

Pied Piper – Jethro Tull
Pied Piper – The Saw Doctors
Symphony of Destruction – Megadeth
People Call Me the Pied Piper – Donovan

1307 – William Tell shoots an arrow of his son’s head

Loki — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 21:00:41 +0000

William Tell – or, in the languages of his native Switzerland: Wilhelm Tell (German); Guillaume Tell (French); Guglielmo Tell (Italian); and Guglielm Tell (Romansh) – is a legendary figure, as much a symbol of Swiss resistance to tyrannical rulers as Robin Hood is a British one. Also, and I don’t know if you’ve heard this, both of them were also seriously badass archers.

Although the reasons why differ, the basics of the story remain the same: Tell shot an arrow right through an apple balanced on his own son’s head. In some versions, he was forced to do this, in others, he wagers his ability to make the shot. In either case, the tyrant on the other side of the story is a Vogt named Albrecht Gessler, who is an enormous dick even by folk tale standards. Which is why the second part of the story about Tell’s archery prowess features him killing the Vogt (again, accounts differ: with an arrow, or with a crossbow bolt), and leading a popular rebellion in Switzerland.

The rebellion, by the way, appears to have been real. The apple-shooting, less so – it’s a fairly common motif in European folk tales. And Tell himself? Did he exist or not? In the end, it doesn’t really matter. He’s more important as a symbol than as a man.

Referenced in:

Bug Powder Dust — Bomb The Bass