Led Zeppelin’s Heaven

• Type: Heaven, obviously.
• Origin: Led Zeppelin’s untitled fourth album
• Admission: unclear, but presumably most good people.

Heaven, as conceived of by Robert Plant, Jimmy Page, John Bonham and John Paul Jones (although only the former pair are listed as writers), is in many ways not particularly heavenly:

• It is not wheelchair accessible (the only way there is to climb a stairway)
• Its entrance may not be structurally sound (the foundation of the stairway is on a whispering wind)
• It does not feature 24 hour shopping (or there’s no way that the stores would all be closed)
• It appears to be biased in favour the wealthy (a woman who can afford a stairway to heaven can get what she wants with a simple word, even if the stores all are closed)
• Its hedgerows are the site of mysterious (and potentiallly alarming) bustling
• It is more suited to passive contemplation (being a rock) than energetic activity (rolling)
• It features unclear and confusing signage (which may have two meanings)

In short, it is less a heaven designed by a benevolent omnipotence, and more one imagined after too much dope and Tolkein.